Why Not Me?

I work in ministry - specifically as a recruiter for a global missions organization - so I constantly get to talk with people about giving their all to God. I seek out people who are willing to give up their home, security, language and comfort to move their family across the globe so that other people will know Jesus. In addition, as a fully supported missionary myself, I can only do my job because other people specifically give financially for my ministry. It is through the generosity of others that I am able to pay my bills and do my job.
So, I felt like I understood generosity pretty well. Tithe and giving financially beyond our tithe were part of our monthly routine. We get stretched pretty thin sometimes, but God has always provided, and I like to give. So, a few years ago when we were encouraged through Wreck the Roof to increase our generosity, I thought, "Eh, no big deal." We had to decided to increase our financial giving, but I wanted to be faithful to the idea of challenging my generosity so I prayed about it. It didn't take long for me to see that the way God wanted to increase my generosity really had nothing to do with money.
I had heard that a friend of my mom's needed a kidney transplant. I knew I was the right blood type and was pretty healthy, but I was reluctant. So, after hearing other people were being tested to see if they were a match, I tried to put it out of my mind. Somebody else would do it. But after a few months, it became clear there was nobody else. Those that were tested didn't work out and the need was still there. Finally, the week of Christmas that year, I had to wrestle with the question of "Why NOT me?" I had lots of reasons- two little kids, limited income, a lack of real health insurance, a travel schedule that made time off difficult, and so on. I had a lot of reasons why it shouldn't be me, but then I felt like the Spirit asked me, "If not you, then who?" As I wrestled with that question, I realized my reasons weren't more special than anyone else's. After much focused prayer, God brought to mind James 4:17, which says, "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do, yet does not do it, sins." At that point, I knew that this was something that Jesus was specifically asking me to do. I had to set aside my excuses and increase my understanding of generosity.
So, a few months later, I became a living organ donor. Nothing magical happened after. I didn't suddenly have all my challenges go away or get all the things I ever wanted. In fact, my life is pretty much the same as it was before. God is still faithful. We continually have what we need to do the ministry God has asked us to do - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. God continues to challenge me to expand his Lordship into new areas of my life and to increase my generosity in new ways. But one thing did change - I have a new appreciation for the fact that God uses us to bless the lives the of those around us. The "Land of C" isn't about me giving a little and getting more back in return; rather, it is about God transforming me into a person that finds joy in using the gifts He has given me to carry out His Kingdom work, whatever that may be. To me, that is worth more than all the money or all the kidneys in all the world.

– Christi, Quincy 48th Street

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